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Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.  To you and me that’s a Big Mac but to John Shephard those were the first words from his son Richard, as a child.  That same child has grown up (and outwards) and today claimed the title of ‘the Canning Town player most likely to go on a diet in the New Year.’

Ginger topped our poll with 27% of the votes, just a smidgen more than David Mills on 26%.  They were fat neck to fat neck throughout the month but it is the ginger behemoth with the dubious pleasure of requiring a diet.  The strawberry blonde, fat bastard attributes his increasing weight to a medical condition, however, as our picture shows, he was munching on a happy meal in the womb.

“I suppose I’ll have to get down the gym now,” declared the obese midget.  “When I got on the Wii fit, it couldn’t believe I was still alive.”

Runner-up David Mills was relieved to be beaten into second place but has heeded the public’s warning.

“Gaynor was going all around the hospital voting for Ginge on any computer she could find,” claimed the Metric Tonne.  “But I could see how the voting was going so it’s off to Weight Watchers for me now.”

Third place went to Steve Wilson, despite his new streamline look.  Since losing his weight though, he has developed a tendency to moan.

Thanks for all your votes last month and don’t forget to vote in our latest poll – ‘Who is the father of Beth’s unborn child?’