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“Liam is disruptive, has had a poor start to the year and doesn’t mix very well.”

Surprisingly, these were not the words of manager John Wyatt but those of the woman currently teaching the son of Chris Woods, who tonight turned his back on Town’s relegation fight as he attended his 4-year-olds Parents Evening.  But should we be surprised?  Some remember the bad old days when he used to miss games because his wife was having her hair cut.  We should see tonight’s excuse as some sort of progress.

Ray Coker was also elsewhere, apparently moving.  Rumours circulating the divorced women’s circuit in Essex suggest that he was moving from facebook to bebo, though.  Time to lock up your mothers me thinks!  And despite the return from suspension of the self-proclaimed Messiah, there was no return to the squad for Danny Ives.  To some he’s just a very naughty boy.

With injuries from Saturday also to contend with, the manager’s hand was forced so there was a recall to the squad for the ‘Drunken Four’.  Like the Birmingham Six before them, many claim the decision to drop them last week was a miscarriage of justice but their performances on the pitch cannot have helped their cause.

Monkey started on the bench; possibly the greatest oxymoron in football, whilst Disley, Tilley and Henry returned to the starting line up.  In Jay Dyer’s absence Tilley was even given the captain’s armband, however, his proximity to the centre circle prior to the coin toss probably got him the nod.  Lee Wilson’s selection at centre midfield was almost the surprise of the day, however, that was usurped by Graham Barton confirming that he only had two X’s in his new XXL goalkeepers jersey.  And his pants were on fire.

On a cold night, Town needed a good start and they got it.  Terry Cordrey was last seen in the first team squad during the halcyon days when the club was picking up Essex Cups and troubling the local constabulary with their choice of vehicle home.  But there he was marauding down the right flank like a modern day Carlos Alberta, only white, Scottish and hairy.  The Proclaimers once sang about walking 500 miles and Cordrey must have only been yards short of the aforementioned distance, as he continually tried to get the ball under control, before ending up on the wrong side of his man.  His attack on the corner flag was unnecessary but didn’t go unnoticed.  The chemical imbalance that affects your mental health when you are expecting a child cannot be understated but generally speaking this lies with the mother.  John Edmunds still leads our poll vote by the way.

When the hilarity eventually died down, Town set about ignoring their pre match instructions as they continually tried to play their way out of trouble despite the abundant presence of Westhamian attackers.  Tommy Chamberlain was guitly on more than one occasion but it was Reggie Disley who most upset the management team.  His ability to bring down a 70 yard ball before rolling it to his opponent on the edge of his own box was unparallelled.

The changes to this side has obviously improved their sprit though as going a goal behind galvanised the home team.  Tilley and Wilson began to get a foothold in the game, which allowed the wide men Henry and Egan to flourish.  Junior looked in the mood - for once it wasn't depression - but the poor surface hindered his play.  Town's best moves originated down their right with Cordrey overlapping into the space that Egan vacated.  At last, Town began to play some football.

Michael Smith may have scuffed home the equaliser after a move involving five Town players but that was no less than Town deserved.  The goal lifted Town visibly and for a brief spell, they played with the confidence that has been sadly missing of late.

Westhamians had a couple of decent chances to score; one was squandered following yet another poor Town clearance, however, the east Londoners had Barton’s firm/fat fingertips to thank, as his brilliant diving save cannonned off the bar.  It was right out of the top drawer and proved that he doesn’t need NASA to defy gravity.

Town took the lead ten minutes before the interval after Egan's excellent control and finish after a Wilson through ball.  The thin-topped winger celebrated by pulling a shower cap out of his sock and placing it on his balding pate.  Junior responded by pulling out a severely used Brillo pad and placing it on his head.  Or was that before the game?

Shortly afterwards the inevitable happened as the impressive Dave Gormley hobbled off injured with a groin/calf/thigh strain* (delete as appropriate*).  Early self-prognosis intimates a blood clot but he is a pessimist.  They may have to amputate his nose.

Despite the lead, John Wyatt’s half-time team talk was not exactly full of praise for his team.  Lack of concentration, poor passing and failure to clear lines were all cited.  Compared to next door, however, it was a walk in the park as the Westhamians manager laid into his players, his voice resonating like the bass at an early nineties rave.  In the corner of the home dressing room David Tilley was doing big box-little box dance moves.

Following Gormley’s departure, Henry was asked to play left-back, with Sean Mooney ahead of him; Proper Bo’.  At the start of the second half, Junior began his mission to make Ray Coker look like a defender as time and time again he forgot the first commandment of defending; namely defending.  Maybe he was miscast as his attacking prowess was definitely being missed elsewhere.  Has anyone seen Sam Whitnell?

Up front, Mickey Smith and Ashley NevilleRichardsNevilleRichardsNeville worked hard, especially ARNRN, but the service was poor.  Too often though the killer ball was sought when less urgency and more prescient passing was required.  Town treated the ball like David Mills does the salad in his kebab, tossing it away at every opportunity.

Two Hammer's penalty appeals were waved away in quick succession - quite correctly - before a third was given.  Hand to ball or ball to hand?  The man in black went with the former.  The resulting spot kick was finished with aplomb leaving the superb Barton clutching at air.  Rough justice, me thinks.

The earlier new found confidence began to sap.  Clearances became more hurried and the ability to bring the ball down and play seemed too much for many.  As the half wore on, Town found themselves entrenched in their own half but despite their opponent’s aerial bombardment Town stood firm, with Disley looking particularly adept and atoning for his earlier misdemeanours.

Half-chances came and went for both sides, and both will argue that they did enough to win, but the referee’s final blow of the whistle ensured that the points were shared (another oxymoron) leaving Westhamians one place above Canning Town, albeit with two games in hand.

There were several impressive performances, notably Disley and Barton, however, the man-of-the-match award went to Terry Cordrey, who worked tirelessly in both directions on the pitch.  His passion and will to win were exactly why he was called up.